Leg day part I

Leg exercises are an important component to overall fitness. Squats along with deadlifts and bench make up the exercise the majority of the muscle groups in your body. Whether your goal is to get a nice toned legs and ass so you could attempt to ‘break the internet’ like our beloved leader Kim K did, or you’re in it for strength you could tweak some of these exercises below to meet your goals. If you don’t know much about strength training in general just remember the general rule is three sets of a progressively heavier weight. For example lets say for squats you start at 135 pounds on your first set, complete ten reps of the given weight and move further up in weight while subtracting two reps on your next set. You can modify however accommodates you, thats just the general standard. For toning keep in mind generally speaking low weight, high reps for a set of five. Although really a lot of looking tone deals with largely what your diet consists of, your daily intake and output of calories as such. I won’t be getting into the weeds on that topic though, I’m not well versed enough to make myself look like an idiot explaining it. I can assure you that the information is out there if you use the all knowing, all wise, and spellcheck provider search engine google. What I will be getting into is various leg exercises for the novice or curious reader.

Body Weight Exercises
Calisthenics are great, its convenient form of exercise since little to no equipment is needed to perform the majority of exercises. I would actually say all but I don’t enough yet to jump the gun on that. Along with developing muscular endurance and strength you will also improve on your cardiovascular health as well, don’t let this be an excuse on running routinely although.

Jumping Squats
Jumping squats suck, I mean that in the good type of suck that you kind of hate yourself while doing it. I prefer this version over the regular body weight squat which can get mundane rather quickly, plus everyone around you will think you’re the coolest kid on the block as you soar to great heights like an eagle searching for freedom in the sky. Excuse my poor metaphors I’m also not very funny as I’m frequently told by my mother. I digress although, jumping squats are perform much like the regular squat except you…jump at the end. Simple? No? Well, for those still confused on the subject I provided a picture below.

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Jumping Lunges
Jumping lunges much like the jumping squat should be self explanatory to you, thats assuming if you know what the term lunges mean. Think of it as a extra exaggerated step forward, keep your back straight looking straight forward and quickly jump to switch legs in one motion. It can be a complicated movement if you’re drunk or just uncoordinated person born with two left feet.

How cool is that? This also doubles as a great go to dance move, people won’t get enough of you and probably confuse you with Chris Brown for dancing so awesome. I know this since I had been pulling this move since 95′ let me tell you…I can’t keep women off of me.

Calf Raises
One of the easiest exercises to perform, simply shift your weight to the balls of your feet as you raise yourself up on your toes. It takes little effort and attention to perform so you can have fun arguing with people with twitter, ignoring phone calls from work, or trying to find that “right” song that describes your mood. Pon De Replay people, Pon De replay.

Calf raise yourself into Rihanna's beautiful arms.
Calf raise yourself into Rihanna’s beautiful arms.

Mountain Climbers
Technically more of an core workout than a leg workout, when done correctly it improves the usage of your hip flexors which aids in you getting down on those squats, or twerking in public since you have no shame. I couldn’t even began to actually describe the exercise without being able to show you face to face, so a video in lieu of my great presence will have to unfortunately do.

Fuck Start Your Legs

This is a little routine I do before I start any leg day to get myself nice and warmed up for the weights. Its a bit ridiculous I’m aware, and I don’t do this without sucking as well but thats the glorious part of this world, if it doesn’t suck you’re not doing enough.

Twenty reps of each of the above exercises (Jumping squats, Jumping Lunges, Calf Raises, and Mountain Climbers in that order.) for five sets for a total of my favorite number of 100 if you’re a mathematician like myself. If you’re not doing it for yourself do it for drake, I can’t think of either zero or one hundred without thinking of that really awesome cool amazing beautiful great song. Too many adjectives you say? It’s two thousand fifteen I’ll maintain my stance hater.

Weight lifting
Alright, lets get it humans. This is what we’ve all waited for patiently as you scroll carelessly down my blog lets lift some shit and put it down. In this section I will go over some of my favorite machines and weighted movements that I think you should give a shot.

Goblet Squat
Goblet squats are awesome for trying to get a correct form of a squat down without using a bar and a rack. Aim for a correct form when conducting any exercises, especially for those that include weights to prevent injuries and actually accomplish what you intend to.


Step 1: While standing, hold the top end of a dumbbell with both hands near your chest.
Step 2: Lower your body as far as you can by pushing your hips back and bending your knees, your elbows should brush the insides of our knees as you lower.
Step 3: Pause, then slowly return to the starting position.

When doing this exercise along with doing squats with a bar maintain your head position level or look up to force your back straight as you perform the exercise.

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Good Morning!
Good mornings don’t have to be performed in the morning contrary to popular belief ha ha! Dad jokes, I’m awesome. They are great for hamstrings which are the muscles on the back of your thighs, they also strengthen your lower back as well. You don’t have to do a lot of weight to feel this exercise, make sure you take care to keep proper position so you are not inadvertently hurting your back.

Step 1: Hold a barbell with an overhand grip so that it rests on your upper back and not on your neck. Set your feet shoulder width apart and knees slightly bent while keeping your back straight.

Step 2: Gradually bend forward using your hips to lower your chest while maintaining the natural arch in your lower back. Keep your head up and maintain about the same angle of your knees.

Step 3: Lift your upper body back into starting position.

Barbell Squat
Lets get it people, this is the mecca of workouts the traditional squat. It’s a work of art, every time I get on the rack I shed tears of happiness. I don’t actually but I would like to imagine that I love squats that much. I could get into the details but I believe this video does a better job explaining what you should do than I could provide, plus I’m feeling lazy.

I will be updating every so often with new exercises on new entries every once in awhile, hopefully you got something out of it and if not I don’t apologize for wasting your time.

Cheers! Bitches.

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Happy New Year Obligatory Blog Post

It’s New Years Eve ten minutes before midnight, you anxiously await the new year. As if the turning of the clock over to mark the new day resolves your past years struggle, either way you’re optimistic you want to start a new leaf this year 2015 is your year you determined. You also want to get in good with Analisa, she’s gorgeous you are set on kissing her into the new year. Good, I’m proud of you reader. Really I am, and you should she’s definitely a ten in your book. One problem though, what are you going to say when she asks your goals for next year? Analisa isn’t no basic chick her constant smell of onion rings reminds you she’s a I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-T career oriented goal chasing woman. You’re not going to impress her with the run of the mill resolutions such as getting in better shape, strict budgeting, and actually being a father to your eight year old. No, No, you’re going to need to up your game Timmy, and I believe in you more than the laws of gravity. Nervously you fiddle your fingers struggling to remember this blog, god what did that 5’9″ 198 LBS of pure man meat muscle tell me to do? Don’t worry I ensured to surgically emplaced a one way talk radio while you slept I key you in on the most important resolutions to have, in a window-less van across the street of the house party you’re attending…

Timmy boy, tell her you want to rob a bank.

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Robbing banks take some finesse, suits, and a classiness that reads I’m committing a felony.
Popularly romantize by major movies today because simply its badass, and you’d look like the coolest kid on the block on CCTV. Additionally, if you get away you’d probably run out with a hefty sum of money that you can fill your bathtub with while you snort a pile of cocaine off the toilet seat since you lack proper hygiene and have a serious drug issue. It also happens to be one of those resolutions you really can’t half ass considering once you start, you can’t just put the gun down and just say “kidding!” How impressive of a resolution is this? Between promising to stop smoking cigarettes and becoming a demi-god impressive. In fact I don’t know why Analisa wouldn’t be taking her panties off this second as soon as you spout this bullshit.

Ok…Ok…you don’t want to tell her you’re going to rob a bank since you lack the testosterone and something about it being illegal. How about telling her that you’re going to go homeless for a year?

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This may actually be my best viable option as I type yet. Provided the fact you probably look like most dudes, you’re probably wearing a dirty flannel shirt or some sort of 90s era nostalgic gear you’ve copped in the mall. You’re already half way there man, just commit bro-ham-sandwich just commit. Haven’t you ever wondered how it feels to be homeless? Horrible you say? Probably, but just think you aren’t bound by anything in any region for any reason. You can always pick up and leave just like you were never there. Many people before have gone the same route to see the world, doesn’t always end up good as shown in the true life turned book/movie “Into the Wild.” You shouldn’t let your life be confided by a few poison berries man. It’s also 2015 now we have tons of resources providing for the traveling less fortunate such as couch-surfing, craigslist, and apparently tindr. Analisa, is probably foaming at the mouth at the thought of this, she always wanted to be extra helpful to those in need. She could take care of you while tweeting how good of a person she is while you get to high five your bros on the way out of town!

Alright, fuck that was shit suggestion too? You’re picky man no wonder why nobody likes you..alright how about becoming a monk?

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How cool are monks right? “Totally bitchin'” in the words of the late great former president Abraham Lincoln, while misattributing quotes to famous individuals is one of my favorite pastimes. Becoming a monk takes dedication, passion, and a love of something beyond yourself in fact those three things are the basis of a good life in all subjects and aspects. A cursory search on google reveals that becoming monk isn’t necessarily a easy process, it is an option open for anybody. I think if you do need to find yourself in the year of 2015, you’ll learn more about yourself in remote places left to your own devices than you would ever learn anywhere else. Take it from a man who has spent more than enough time alone in the heavily wooden areas or deserts. I am enlightened to the degree that I know I don’t know enough about life and I’m not that great of a person. Find your light, your path, your way young happy warrior. In fact I would tell that to Analisa that you’re just trying to find your way as you mysteriously look out the window. You’re going to need a forklift to get her off of you I can guarantee that.

Ok, you didn’t like that one neither? Well, then I guess you’re fucked mate. Just play it cool I guess, tell her you want to do something with the community or something equally vague. Who am I kidding, I’m not the best with women… maybe get a motorcycle hit the road at ridiculous speeds and attempt all three? Happy new year.

Cheerio.

Admirable Men & Women.

Everyone has heroes whether real or fictional and some peoples are better than others. I am better than you and my opinions are treated like facts by royalty. In fact once the President of the United States of America looked at me personally right in my beautiful eyes and said thank you once before.

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What for? Doesn’t matter just know that it happened accept it and move on just like how you don’t question the laws of gravity.

Back to my original point before you distracted me with your existence. Here are some of the following people I admire, find cool, or want to emulate when I become a real boy!

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Cameron Hanes

World class bow hunter Cameron Hanes is about as manly as you can get if you put two roided freaks in a room and one of them gave birth to a baby somehow, his goal is to be the ultimate predator. Which so far he has proven time after time again. He hunts dangerous game with a weapon that essentially has been used since the dawn of time, and is so proficient at hunting with said weapon he earned himself a sponsorship with under armor. To prepare for long treks on carrying cuts of meat with him, he trains with an eighty pound ruck that he takes up a mountain and down.
He also dabbles in weight lifting and is a pretty massive dude that also participates in numerous marathons which is a mix you rarely see.
The only downside to him is that he listens to a ton of country music, but we all have our issues.

Anderson Silva

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Anderson Silva doesn’t look like much if you had no context to who he is, but hope you brace your face for a series of punches. This guy is the Michael Jordan of MMA, there’s not a lot of fighters that match up to Silva’s talents as made event to his lack of guard in some fights. He would just drop his guard and avoid punches by standard bobbing and weaving I don’t know about you but I would never do that for anybody random, especially a guy who has been training for months just to fight you. Last time I dropped my guard in a fight my five year old cousin beat my ass so bad, and I was subsequently disowned by my family for being a bitch.

Dana Bailey
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The beautiful strong as shit Dana Bailey is another person I admire for the simple fact she’s a chick that body builds, she participated in the 2013 Ms Olympia Physique competition and won first place, participated again this year and got second but its okay she’ll be always first in my heart. She also happens to be married by some dude I don’t like very much since he’s hogging the love of my life all to himself. Together they are smart entrepreneurs and started up a company called “Flag Nor Fail.” Kind of a never surrender (flag) and never fall short (fail) philosophy, they sell all sorts of things from T-Shirts to cutting boards, and promote a generally healthy life style that you don’t see much of in America these days.

Heres Their Website.

Joe Rogan

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Comedian, Actor, MMA enthusiast, podcastor. There is plenty of things Joe Rogan is involved in that may surprise you. I didn’t follow him much before but I had been listening to his podcast for the past two years now and I have been impressed with it (mostly). Sometimes, he has opinions/stances that are short sighted or dumb, but he has and does change them when presented new facts and doesn’t hold on to his old beliefs rigidly like most people today do. He also takes charge of his podcast very well and incorporates very interesting people to talk with him all the time, some notable mentions are Cameron Hanes, Dr. Rhonda Patrick, Amber Lyon, and Joey Diaz. Another is he is always willing to try new things out isn’t afraid of challenges as noted by his black belt in jiu-justu, taekwondo, and blue belt in Judo.
You can catch the Joe Rogan Podcast here