Bob Ross, The Last Great American.

Bob Ross pictured on the left befriends a squirrel through his art.
Bob Ross pictured on the left befriends a squirrel through his art.

Bob motherfucking Ross is the man, the buddha, the jesus, the muhammad, the katy perry. He was the best qualities of all these people and more, he best represented humanity in a way that we should constantly strive for.

A lot of my friends say hey High Lord Philmon why are you so gay for Bob Ross, and before I send them to the lions for being disrespectful pieces of dog shit, I explain to them this…what isn’t to love?


First and foremost look at that hair
Look… as a man who has attempted and succeeded to grow an afro, my hair was never so big, so soulful, and so intimidatingly awesome. I’m positive Bob Ross was born with an afro intact. Rumor has it his mother was a virgin that was inseminated by the ghost of coolness, thus brought Bob Ross to this world.

He painted amazing landscapes seamlessly.

When was the last time you drawn anything worth while? If you are like most… the answer is probably never because your drawings sucked and your mom wanted to take it off the refrigerator so much but was afraid you’d ask about it, and she’d tell you that you were adopted or a mistake without thinking about it out of anger.

He has to be the reincarnation of buddha
That quote resonates within me and should resonate within you as well. How long have we spent thinking about all the places in life we have fallen short of, instead of moving on and seeing how to makes you grow in a different way you intended.

No regrets only life lessons bitches.

He served time in the military
Twenty years in the Air Force and retiring at the rank of Master Sergeant he knows how to deal with bullshit with a resilient attitude. For the tree hugging extreme left winged liberals who hate the armed forces, suck a dick these people have done more for this country than you’d ever do.Go eat some gluten-free asshole and talk about how you like listening to records on vinyl.

To bring my points to a close Bob Ross should be celebrated, his birthday should be a federal holiday and we should all dress up like him, walk the streets and have a massive orgy. Thats what he would want, to see love transpire into the physical plus I’m hitting a dry spell. His face should be craved into the side of Mt. Rushmore, even though South Dakota has a population of twelve. We should raise up a statue five hundred feet tall with one hand on a M4 another on a paint brush.