Ghosts

Every time I watch some sort of paranormal television show that slowly drains what little IQ I have on me; I always wonder…man are ghosts always dicks?

I mean whether you believe in a spiritual life or not you can’t refute in the way most experiences are depicted chairs get thrown, plates get broken, and they expose faulty steps in a stairway.

They’re always some time of degenerate asshole. That costs money, can’t you draw like a dick or something on the mirror? Or randomly play smooth jazz in rooms. I want my entire experience in life like I’m stuck-in-a-elevator type music.

I feel like if I were to haunt the living I’d be kind and courteous like toast peoples bread in the morning. Make a pot of joe, sing christmas carols and shit.

Enough is enough, its time we do something about these pricks. I don’t know where to start but picketing sounds like a good plan.

Seemingly the same people that confess to experience those paranormal encounters with spirits are also the same people starting at the sky for UFOs.

Convinced that every commercial jet that passes by is another.

In reality I made this post because as I was falling asleep, you know on my back one hand down my pants, other propping my head up since I still haven’t manage to buy a pillow. I felt something vividly grab my arm pit, strong ass grip too; so yeah that made me wide awake falling from cloud nine. I was convinced someone else was in the room with me as I searched frantically around with a flashlight apparently forgetting the use of fluorescent lights that hang above me.

whatever though.

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What spawned this blog site in the first place.

I post a lot of random, inconsistent, redundant blogs here a lot.

I realized at 01HR43MINs that I have no yet expelled the reasons behind the name hipsters on wheels. Well, the answer for this lies in a cave deep behind inscribed in ancient hebrew further encoded contents from the zodiac killer himself. Just kidding, I ride motorcycles or at least had.

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That’s my bike! Black Mamba on the left, I love that bitch. I’ve been unkind although I didn’t take her overseas; wasn’t allowed to more or less. Even before that I waned down riding ever since I nearly offed myself running 100+ through a busy intersection.

Not on purpose though, I wasn’t attentive enough to decipher a green right arrow is not a green light.

The hipster part is just kind of a self-loathing insult to myself. I don’t think I fit the bill, which actually just validates me as a hipsters. I guess according to my age group hipsters don’t self identify like psychopaths. I accepted my faith, so now I guess that makes me… unhipster?

Check your flannel privileges you fucks.

DCIM100GOPRO
DCIM100GOPRO

I love riding though its a lively experience; the closest you can get on the connection between man and machine. Let alone that sports bikes are fast just being out and letting the wind hit your body unlike being stuck in the shell of a vehicle feels different. The first time I rode I practiced in a neighborhood just going twenty miles MPH and I felt like I was going fast then.
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The whole community of motorcycles is awesome. Everybody with a bike is automatically your friend, just like Tom from Myspace. Sometimes unwarranted, but hey you got a buddy to ride with.

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Then you’d get to a desolate area and just open up that throttle. It’s an experience everyone should have.

nightriding

Still a great experience without people if you’re more of a solo rider like myself, midnight rides were my favorite to cruise to. Felt like modern day meditation without the technical breathing. Be prepared to wave at kids who for some reason always feel the need to wave at riders, don’t be an asshole wave back.

I miss riding.

Leg day part I

Leg exercises are an important component to overall fitness. Squats along with deadlifts and bench make up the exercise the majority of the muscle groups in your body. Whether your goal is to get a nice toned legs and ass so you could attempt to ‘break the internet’ like our beloved leader Kim K did, or you’re in it for strength you could tweak some of these exercises below to meet your goals. If you don’t know much about strength training in general just remember the general rule is three sets of a progressively heavier weight. For example lets say for squats you start at 135 pounds on your first set, complete ten reps of the given weight and move further up in weight while subtracting two reps on your next set. You can modify however accommodates you, thats just the general standard. For toning keep in mind generally speaking low weight, high reps for a set of five. Although really a lot of looking tone deals with largely what your diet consists of, your daily intake and output of calories as such. I won’t be getting into the weeds on that topic though, I’m not well versed enough to make myself look like an idiot explaining it. I can assure you that the information is out there if you use the all knowing, all wise, and spellcheck provider search engine google. What I will be getting into is various leg exercises for the novice or curious reader.

Body Weight Exercises
Calisthenics are great, its convenient form of exercise since little to no equipment is needed to perform the majority of exercises. I would actually say all but I don’t enough yet to jump the gun on that. Along with developing muscular endurance and strength you will also improve on your cardiovascular health as well, don’t let this be an excuse on running routinely although.

Jumping Squats
Jumping squats suck, I mean that in the good type of suck that you kind of hate yourself while doing it. I prefer this version over the regular body weight squat which can get mundane rather quickly, plus everyone around you will think you’re the coolest kid on the block as you soar to great heights like an eagle searching for freedom in the sky. Excuse my poor metaphors I’m also not very funny as I’m frequently told by my mother. I digress although, jumping squats are perform much like the regular squat except you…jump at the end. Simple? No? Well, for those still confused on the subject I provided a picture below.

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Jumping Lunges
Jumping lunges much like the jumping squat should be self explanatory to you, thats assuming if you know what the term lunges mean. Think of it as a extra exaggerated step forward, keep your back straight looking straight forward and quickly jump to switch legs in one motion. It can be a complicated movement if you’re drunk or just uncoordinated person born with two left feet.

How cool is that? This also doubles as a great go to dance move, people won’t get enough of you and probably confuse you with Chris Brown for dancing so awesome. I know this since I had been pulling this move since 95′ let me tell you…I can’t keep women off of me.

Calf Raises
One of the easiest exercises to perform, simply shift your weight to the balls of your feet as you raise yourself up on your toes. It takes little effort and attention to perform so you can have fun arguing with people with twitter, ignoring phone calls from work, or trying to find that “right” song that describes your mood. Pon De Replay people, Pon De replay.

Calf raise yourself into Rihanna's beautiful arms.
Calf raise yourself into Rihanna’s beautiful arms.

Mountain Climbers
Technically more of an core workout than a leg workout, when done correctly it improves the usage of your hip flexors which aids in you getting down on those squats, or twerking in public since you have no shame. I couldn’t even began to actually describe the exercise without being able to show you face to face, so a video in lieu of my great presence will have to unfortunately do.

Fuck Start Your Legs

This is a little routine I do before I start any leg day to get myself nice and warmed up for the weights. Its a bit ridiculous I’m aware, and I don’t do this without sucking as well but thats the glorious part of this world, if it doesn’t suck you’re not doing enough.

Twenty reps of each of the above exercises (Jumping squats, Jumping Lunges, Calf Raises, and Mountain Climbers in that order.) for five sets for a total of my favorite number of 100 if you’re a mathematician like myself. If you’re not doing it for yourself do it for drake, I can’t think of either zero or one hundred without thinking of that really awesome cool amazing beautiful great song. Too many adjectives you say? It’s two thousand fifteen I’ll maintain my stance hater.

Weight lifting
Alright, lets get it humans. This is what we’ve all waited for patiently as you scroll carelessly down my blog lets lift some shit and put it down. In this section I will go over some of my favorite machines and weighted movements that I think you should give a shot.

Goblet Squat
Goblet squats are awesome for trying to get a correct form of a squat down without using a bar and a rack. Aim for a correct form when conducting any exercises, especially for those that include weights to prevent injuries and actually accomplish what you intend to.


Step 1: While standing, hold the top end of a dumbbell with both hands near your chest.
Step 2: Lower your body as far as you can by pushing your hips back and bending your knees, your elbows should brush the insides of our knees as you lower.
Step 3: Pause, then slowly return to the starting position.

When doing this exercise along with doing squats with a bar maintain your head position level or look up to force your back straight as you perform the exercise.

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Good Morning!
Good mornings don’t have to be performed in the morning contrary to popular belief ha ha! Dad jokes, I’m awesome. They are great for hamstrings which are the muscles on the back of your thighs, they also strengthen your lower back as well. You don’t have to do a lot of weight to feel this exercise, make sure you take care to keep proper position so you are not inadvertently hurting your back.

Step 1: Hold a barbell with an overhand grip so that it rests on your upper back and not on your neck. Set your feet shoulder width apart and knees slightly bent while keeping your back straight.

Step 2: Gradually bend forward using your hips to lower your chest while maintaining the natural arch in your lower back. Keep your head up and maintain about the same angle of your knees.

Step 3: Lift your upper body back into starting position.

Barbell Squat
Lets get it people, this is the mecca of workouts the traditional squat. It’s a work of art, every time I get on the rack I shed tears of happiness. I don’t actually but I would like to imagine that I love squats that much. I could get into the details but I believe this video does a better job explaining what you should do than I could provide, plus I’m feeling lazy.

I will be updating every so often with new exercises on new entries every once in awhile, hopefully you got something out of it and if not I don’t apologize for wasting your time.

Cheers! Bitches.

Happy New Year Obligatory Blog Post

It’s New Years Eve ten minutes before midnight, you anxiously await the new year. As if the turning of the clock over to mark the new day resolves your past years struggle, either way you’re optimistic you want to start a new leaf this year 2015 is your year you determined. You also want to get in good with Analisa, she’s gorgeous you are set on kissing her into the new year. Good, I’m proud of you reader. Really I am, and you should she’s definitely a ten in your book. One problem though, what are you going to say when she asks your goals for next year? Analisa isn’t no basic chick her constant smell of onion rings reminds you she’s a I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-T career oriented goal chasing woman. You’re not going to impress her with the run of the mill resolutions such as getting in better shape, strict budgeting, and actually being a father to your eight year old. No, No, you’re going to need to up your game Timmy, and I believe in you more than the laws of gravity. Nervously you fiddle your fingers struggling to remember this blog, god what did that 5’9″ 198 LBS of pure man meat muscle tell me to do? Don’t worry I ensured to surgically emplaced a one way talk radio while you slept I key you in on the most important resolutions to have, in a window-less van across the street of the house party you’re attending…

Timmy boy, tell her you want to rob a bank.

robbers entering bank

Robbing banks take some finesse, suits, and a classiness that reads I’m committing a felony.
Popularly romantize by major movies today because simply its badass, and you’d look like the coolest kid on the block on CCTV. Additionally, if you get away you’d probably run out with a hefty sum of money that you can fill your bathtub with while you snort a pile of cocaine off the toilet seat since you lack proper hygiene and have a serious drug issue. It also happens to be one of those resolutions you really can’t half ass considering once you start, you can’t just put the gun down and just say “kidding!” How impressive of a resolution is this? Between promising to stop smoking cigarettes and becoming a demi-god impressive. In fact I don’t know why Analisa wouldn’t be taking her panties off this second as soon as you spout this bullshit.

Ok…Ok…you don’t want to tell her you’re going to rob a bank since you lack the testosterone and something about it being illegal. How about telling her that you’re going to go homeless for a year?

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This may actually be my best viable option as I type yet. Provided the fact you probably look like most dudes, you’re probably wearing a dirty flannel shirt or some sort of 90s era nostalgic gear you’ve copped in the mall. You’re already half way there man, just commit bro-ham-sandwich just commit. Haven’t you ever wondered how it feels to be homeless? Horrible you say? Probably, but just think you aren’t bound by anything in any region for any reason. You can always pick up and leave just like you were never there. Many people before have gone the same route to see the world, doesn’t always end up good as shown in the true life turned book/movie “Into the Wild.” You shouldn’t let your life be confided by a few poison berries man. It’s also 2015 now we have tons of resources providing for the traveling less fortunate such as couch-surfing, craigslist, and apparently tindr. Analisa, is probably foaming at the mouth at the thought of this, she always wanted to be extra helpful to those in need. She could take care of you while tweeting how good of a person she is while you get to high five your bros on the way out of town!

Alright, fuck that was shit suggestion too? You’re picky man no wonder why nobody likes you..alright how about becoming a monk?

38Nzr

How cool are monks right? “Totally bitchin'” in the words of the late great former president Abraham Lincoln, while misattributing quotes to famous individuals is one of my favorite pastimes. Becoming a monk takes dedication, passion, and a love of something beyond yourself in fact those three things are the basis of a good life in all subjects and aspects. A cursory search on google reveals that becoming monk isn’t necessarily a easy process, it is an option open for anybody. I think if you do need to find yourself in the year of 2015, you’ll learn more about yourself in remote places left to your own devices than you would ever learn anywhere else. Take it from a man who has spent more than enough time alone in the heavily wooden areas or deserts. I am enlightened to the degree that I know I don’t know enough about life and I’m not that great of a person. Find your light, your path, your way young happy warrior. In fact I would tell that to Analisa that you’re just trying to find your way as you mysteriously look out the window. You’re going to need a forklift to get her off of you I can guarantee that.

Ok, you didn’t like that one neither? Well, then I guess you’re fucked mate. Just play it cool I guess, tell her you want to do something with the community or something equally vague. Who am I kidding, I’m not the best with women… maybe get a motorcycle hit the road at ridiculous speeds and attempt all three? Happy new year.

Cheerio.

How To Be A Shitty Parent 101

Parenting can be tough, even tougher when you have to attempt to be a half way decent parent. Lucky for the weak minded in todays society there is tons of information out there on being a better parent. Unfortunately although there is no representation on being a horrible parent, I am here to change that I believe in equality for all fringe groups in society, this guide is going to instruct you on how to excel above all others in being a shitty parent! In my humbled opinion nine times out of ten according to a statistic I just made up, your kids are going to hate you anyway. Regardless of how much time you spend with them or how much you make them involve in the community, they’ll probably put you in a home one day if you’re lucky. Otherwise most other former children now adults will kick you to the curb out to fend for yourself, catching runaway trains to travel around the nation. You might as well let them have a reason to hate you, win while you can. The other way to look at this is you can be so horrible to them that you in turn actually make them into a better human being, todays culture is full of soft bellied children who don’t know hardship and I mean that both physically and mentally. So, how do you go about this? While being physically abusive is an easy thing to do I think thats wrong both in the eyes of the law and morally, since you can do so much more damage emotionally than physical scars can show!

Calling them by the wrong name

Calling someone by the wrong name is a time proven method of letting them know you don’t care much for them as a human being, especially if you do a slight alteration of their name. As in “Bill” becomes “Jill” and Sarah becomes “Turd Eater.” Imagine the anguish for years to come and the torment they face every time they come home to your unloving arms. When they predictably ask, “how do you not know my name didn’t you name me mom/dad?” Respond with a quick nope and an odd explanation that it was the decision of the doctor who unfortunately aided in birthing you. Another fun way to let them know you don’t care for them early on is to name them something terrible like for example cancer, adopted, or better yet Iggy Azalea. This alternative method works just as well as the first, but in this case you don’t have to do much work as the school children will do the teasing for you. This can work greatly against you although, as they might hold so much resentment for you that they’ll actively will try to murder you as evident in the great Johnny Cash song called ” A Boy Named Sue.”

Let them know they were a mistake

Letting your children know that they were mistakes aids in building their character, that being is that they are unwanted much how like everyone feels about everyone anyway. A lot of parents mess this technique up by letting their children know that they were their favorite mistake, don’t half ass that shit buddy you don’t need to lie. Remind them often that they are the bane of your existence, and a omen of wrapping it up. Children are life, money, and goal sucking parasites. Some people are happy to have children towards the end of their life when they realize nothing else good left, and those individuals are what I call idiots. If thats you trust me on this and just get a puppy at the very least puppies can be adorable and less disgusting than children.

Forget Birthdays Constantly

A birthday is an exciting time in a child’s life, usually on this day they feel entitled to feel special. On the contrary to adult life when you realize no one really cares if its your birthday or not, so why wait until they are older? Let them face the harsh realities now that the fact they made it one year without dying isn’t special, many people on the planet has reached their age and have gone well past. The only birthday worth celebrating in my eyes is when or if you reach the age of one hundred, thats admirable you’re almost dead and endured so much bullshit. Why celebrate your five year olds birthday? They didn’t accomplish anything and haven’t contributed to society in anyway, get a job child. Another way to attack this topic is to celebrate their birthdays as the anniversary of the worst day of your life, go all out with it dress in all black and mourn silently. You can buy a tombstone with engravings of your own birth date to your spawn demon child and name it the good life, place roses there every year as remembrance of the life you once had.

Down Play Their Accomplishments

Unfortunately sometimes children do amazing things or feats other than ending their lives, how do you handle such things especially when they out shine your own accomplishments? Simple, downplay everything they do to such an extend they feel as if they didn’t do much at all. This can range from them being a star athlete, stellar academic performance, or even the president of the United States. Treat each accomplishment as if many others have and can do the same thing, go out of your way to let them know you aren’t impressed. Let them know no matter what they do in life they’ll die and soon enough everyone will forget their accomplishments much like you don’t remember their name.

Let them know when they suck

Children suck at a lot of things whether it comes to holding a decent job, cleaning up after themselves, or being physically capable of taking care of themselves. Don’t make them feel better by talking them up, let them know they are a hindrance in everyones life. Judge all their creative projects harshly, become their worst critic and you’ve earned it. I think its only fair, since as a mother you’ve shot them out of your now ruined vagina or as a father picking up extra shifts just to support their parasitic selves. My own father was the best at this, he was always upfront about my performance even when I didn’t ask for feedback and still calls me up to this day just to call me a faggot, and look at me now, I write blogs for strangers on the internet I made it pa!

Never be present for any social activity, ever

Any social activity requiring your presence should be met with a great unwillingness to be actually there, as you should feel too. Most elementary schools have some sort of bring your parent to school day where you go and pretend to be nice to other miserable parents. Why go at all? In my mind if you aren’t being paid to attend why waste your time when you can spend it on more important matters like strippers, and booze. Treating them as they were insignificant preps them into adult life when they then realize they could be replaced any time with someone else. No one is a unique snow flake no matter how much you want to believe in it. After a few missed events a concerned teacher/coach/parent may call you to an inquiry of where you are at in your child’s life, don’t feel bad you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. This is the land of the free, China the great.

Don’t let them win ever

Science has proven children are physically, intellectually, and emotionally inferior to adults in every which way possible. You can beat them in a variety of ways through sprints, card games, or discussion on politics you will win every single time. Many parents around the world purposely lose to make their children feel good, when in reality not everything is won that easily. For the parents who for some odd reason have a strong, fast, prodigy genius in your hands your best bet is to refer to number 4 on the list, down play their accomplishments and then don’t further provide them another opportunity to win at anything again. Exploit their weakness… every child has one, they are like video game bosses hit them in the flashy red spot.

Forget to Pick them up often

Have you ever been left by your parents before? Remember how terrible that felt? Now imagine this, leave your children elsewhere whether that would be at school, violin practice, tae kwon do, cheer camps and many more! When they finally make it home by themselves, look at them unapologetic and reason gas is too expensive to be wasting it going across town for them. This will teach them about value, and how they absolutely have none of it! Fun!

These simple tips and tricks of the game will guarantee you for the worst parent of the year award uncontested. In fact you should make a professional wrestling style belt and wear it around the house as a reminder to your children that you hate them, and wish they ceased to exist. Then at least when you get old, feeble, and smelly and your children grow into successful adults, you won’t feel as bad when they neglect you because at least you know you deserve it.

Cheers, beautiful people.

Movies, TV and a rant by your favorite person.

Watching movies/TV shows can be a magical experience whether that would be with in the back of the theatre seating row with Ms. Susie Rotten Crotch, or your sad saturday night alone watching Netflix in bed drinking your tears to hydrate you for your continued pathetic existence. Movies/TV shows provide an outlet from the realities and confides of your life to this new world where common sense almost never applies, and problems ranging from skipping school and having an over obsessive principal attempt to capture you to going to a different country and killing hordes of humans to find your kidnapped daughter. Even the worst of movies can be entertaining break from the mundane as you struggle to get away whether that would be a long flight, in a break room waiting for your oil to be changed or where else you find yourself in that “elevator going up” kind of existence. There is however some things that movies and even television shows present that almost nobody ever will do, and I know this is entertainment but I have a blog to update so fuck you, I’m angry.

How to Not end Phone Converstations
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I’m an important busy man if you couldn’t tell by now, I have all sorts of people calling me from A-List celebrities, the mayor of denver, to the President of Russia. I’m constantly on the move on flights to strange countries and with exotic women sipping on a martini, but I take my time to answer calls and end them correctly. Unlike some action heroes who feel the need the hang up before they say good-bye. First off thats completely rude, and no I don’t care that you’re dismantling a bomb to save New York City, I don’t care if you are on the verge of eliminating ebola, be a decent human being for once and say goodbye, or a variation of such. I’m also confused why the character on the other end never seems to angrily call back, I know I would give that jerk face my two cents on how normal phone etiquette works. Jack Bauer from the television show 24 does this to every phone call he receives or makes, and every time he does it I sacrifice a kitten. It’s definitely not fair to those decent hard working people and it isn’t fair to those poor kittens but rules are rules Jack.

talking without looking
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In every movie or television show there is usually a scene where the character in question has his or hers back turned to another individual while holding a conversation. In real life nobody ever does that, in fact I tried it one time to emulate that once with my boss while I looked out the window longingly reminiscing on the good times I had with Susie Rotten crotch. While she was a lovely gal I was snapped back into reality from a heavy handed slap from my boss, and he promptly fired me for being an “introspective faggot.” Good on him too, I would of done the same thing if I was in his shoes. You’re being a disrespectful human being, you should always maintain eye contact with the individual that is speaking with you it shows that you’re intently listening. The entire point of a conversation is to learn something new, to be entertained, or being a good friend to those in need. I believe cinema portrays this exact scene to give the feeling of authority or to make for dramatic sentence as the character slowly turns around to give it and then cut scene. I was too naive to think I can pull off the same thing now me and my nine children are suffering hoping that my blog takes off one day.

Dismantling bombs at the last second
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In this scene the character dismantling the bomb will wait until the very last second to actually take action. I understand that it is a troubling decision to make between the ever so cliché blue or green wires but indecision isn’t your friend here. I don’t understand why they would take such a great risk like that when sometimes millions of lives are at stake, instead they are diaphoretic as multiple beads of sweat comes from their brow and they look between the two wires intensely as if they would suddenly get the answer to the riddle. If it were me it’ll take me a couple seconds to reach a decision, I would just shrug my shoulders and say fuck it immediately starting to snap away without second thought. Also, where is the explosive ordinance team for all this? You know the people trained and qualified to actually perform such matters, in these movies they seem to never be there always fucking off elsewhere. Why are these fictional citizens wasting their fictional tax dollars on such an inefficient system? I would be out rage and spend the rest of my days making a specialized interest group called People Against Random Fuckers Deciding my Fate. I would be known around the world and have a shot into politics becoming president on my very first election run I would then be engaged to the beautiful Katy Perry and spawn children like it was my job.

Running Away From Explosions
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If the dismantling the bombs goes to shit, the character in question always makes a break for it at a dead sprint. Balls of fire, fury, and hate seem to encompass everything behind them reaching for them at an alarming rate and then in movie/tv fashion one last big explosion and the character is thrown against the ground dust obscuring your vision of the character in question. You think to yourself did this dipshit survive? Ah, of course yes the dust settles and he or she dusts himself off gives one last good look and rides off to the sunset. Obviously hollywood doesn’t know how explosions work and their terrifying killing power, if you were that close to the detonation you would of been reduced to ashes in milliseconds. Let me teach you something here reading with a small info-graphic that can visually enrich you with knowledge.

More dead than Robin Williams
More dead than Robin Williams

As you see in the primary zone you’d be dead from the blast of the initial explosion, in the secondary zone any inanimate object, or flying organic bodies act as fucking missiles to eliminate your ass with the highest of fashion. In the tertiary zone in which our beloved movie/tv characters always seem to end up you are tossed around like a rag doll until you hit an object that halts your momentum, or your eventual loss of kinetic energy. The ensuing injuries from just in the tertiary zone could possibly be fatal, you could be left with blast lung spewing up pink frothy liquid from your noise space and thats not counting additional other hollow organ damage. I wonder who medically insures these insane individuals, premiums must be outrageous.

Ridiculous Love Stories
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The image above is a poster cover for the movie “Pretty Woman” if for some reason you are unable to read that in the image due to your spontaneous illiteracy. If you don’t know the plot of pretty woman essentially its a zany love story on how a successful business man hires a prostitute to accompany him as his girlfriend. How the tides have turned in a week when the two fall in love with each other. In a week? Seriously? That’s entirely irresponsible of you, I don’t care how much time you spend with a person but a weeks time isn’t enough to know them at all. How does he know she isn’t smoking crack rock to get by everyday? How does she know he isn’t some sort of new age Jack The Ripper? The only thing I fall in love for that fast is food, at least with food you know how it’s going to taste nearly every time provided that you prepared it right. Plus, isn’t this guy rich as fuck? Why would you settle for a hooker my man, you have so much more potential out there that isn’t sleeping with half of the city to make money.

She said she would never let go...RIP LEO
She said she would never let go…RIP LEO

Cheesy one liners

Terminator

I’ve been collecting one liners for every situation that I will find myself in and they are locked away deep in a cave awaiting on the day I become a superhero, before I retire the cape I will ensure that I would make use for at least one cheesy saying a day. That being said does anybody really use one liners? A police officer making an arrest, or a firefighter putting out fire, or a doctor finding a cure for an aliment? No they don’t because for one they have more important shit to do then be half way witty on a phrase. I would rather watch Tom Cruise run from a seemingly continuous explosion than to hear these one liners, it makes my soul rattle and upsets my stomach every time I hear something that even resembles a one liner. Get the fuck out of here with that bullshit creative writers of hollywood, your not fooling me with your entertainment voodoo magic.

Cheers.