You’re probably a douchebag, don’t worry I am too.

Through trials and scientific testing over the years I’ve come to the only logical conclusion of were all douche-bags. Each in our own special way, like snow flakes falling from the sky; before we melt on the ground with our special douchey flavour.

unique

Sure, theres certain varying levels but I can’t help but think aren’t we all just a little douchey at times?

Like how many instagram photos do you post online of yourself in your car? Douche nozzle. How many shirtless pics do you town of yourself? Douche-Town Pop you!

Hey girls, how many selfies do you take with quotes you quickly google searched in a effort to make yourself seem deep? Douche-Tits.

Who else does something semi good Samaritan like and immediately brag about it on a public forum?

I mean how else can you feel good about yourself amiright?

Everyone wants their ego stroked maybe not to extremes, but just a little…just the tip baby.

It’s cool though I’m not judging, recently I discovered I’m kind of a bad person. I accepted it, I moved on, and I’m better for it. Meaning that is I don’t feel that bad about being a piece of shit half the time. I definitely have no problem being a douche neither. Johnny Bravo was my hero, I’m self obsessed I know I’m not the most handsome but you’re goddamn right I’m spouting that bullshit.

You should too.

A lot of people are fine with making around life like Eeyore from Winnie-DA-Poo.

I guess I'll just die here.
I guess I’ll just die here.

But fuck that noise. Why not be Winnie? Or Trigger? Fucking, Winnie was an asshole just tearing about poor helpless bees homes to wane out his withdrawals on honey. Trigger is clearly on some awesome drugs he’s not sharing because he’s a jerk. Piglet is a bitch, I don’t know where you’re suppose to draw inspiration from that though.

Whatever F R E E D O M

^ also another thing I hate, why do you hipsters insist on spacing out letters you unartsy fucks.

On a unrelated note I think society is out growing my bias/beliefs/what the fuck is that? I just recently seen a video of a dude doing a killer impression of Beyoncè in fact, he was dressed as beyoncè, had tits like beyoncè, and pretty nice legs like her too. I had to close out the video, this life is getting too progressive for me. I’m shocked everyday by something new.

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