#Dontjudgechallenge

Every once in awhile in the interwebz we are greeted with a new type of social trend/activity; such as planking, pointing out fake shoes, robbing banks with 1920s mobster attire, or my personal favorite the ice bucket challenge for ALS.

Let me expand on why that last one was my favorite. The whole point of the damn thing was to donate money for research on ALS, not to dump ice water on your head. Dumping ice water was the alternative to not donating money, yes but not everybody collectively dump ice water on yourselves. Lucky for me I have no friends so I had to never take part in that fuckery.

I’m sure everybody with ALS is happy with you screaming around for like ten seconds, and “challenging” your friends into doing the same dumb shit though. I’m ignoring the positive aspects of that challenge though, it’s my blog fuck you (it raised tons of money.)

Fuck that I'm broke.
Fuck that I’m broke.

My least favorite of the sort is the “don’t judge challenge” which is another outlet for narcissistic individuals to make themselves look ugly and then WALA they look better than they let on. Now it’s not really a thing for anyone old enough to know it’s pretty dumb, but the fact its a thing is kind of…interesting.

I mean really is this something you really going to promote? It’s not even pseudo-inspirational. I’ve had bigger, raging, inspirational boners off of those generic motivational posters you never seem to get away from.

Pretty sure that's a WWE wrestler.
Pretty sure that’s a WWE wrestler.

Anyone been to prison? Do they have motivational posters there? Please message me we need to get to the bottom of this.

The “don’t judge challenge” is kind of fucked up for ugly people, like…what are they suppose to do with the “after” picture? Just keep your hand on the camera, shut it off and call it a day? Change outfits?

I personally want to revise this challenge thing myself; instead of being superficial with your looks lets be a little bit juvenile here.
Ok, stay with me here…lets take pictures of the last dump we took with a side by side of a photo of our face in a model pose.

or better a still frame of the poop, and immediately flash into a video of the persons face doing “zoolander” like poses.

I would be so into that I mean not sexually, just into it.

I’ve always wondered what kind of dumps certain individuals take, I want to be surprised. I want a petite lady to take a shit made for a bear, and inversely a fat hairy guy with shit that resembles rabbit dung.

I feel like we would really benefit in society with that, it’s 2015. Get with the times you fucks.

You’re probably a douchebag, don’t worry I am too.

Through trials and scientific testing over the years I’ve come to the only logical conclusion of were all douche-bags. Each in our own special way, like snow flakes falling from the sky; before we melt on the ground with our special douchey flavour.

unique

Sure, theres certain varying levels but I can’t help but think aren’t we all just a little douchey at times?

Like how many instagram photos do you post online of yourself in your car? Douche nozzle. How many shirtless pics do you town of yourself? Douche-Town Pop you!

Hey girls, how many selfies do you take with quotes you quickly google searched in a effort to make yourself seem deep? Douche-Tits.

Who else does something semi good Samaritan like and immediately brag about it on a public forum?

I mean how else can you feel good about yourself amiright?

Everyone wants their ego stroked maybe not to extremes, but just a little…just the tip baby.

It’s cool though I’m not judging, recently I discovered I’m kind of a bad person. I accepted it, I moved on, and I’m better for it. Meaning that is I don’t feel that bad about being a piece of shit half the time. I definitely have no problem being a douche neither. Johnny Bravo was my hero, I’m self obsessed I know I’m not the most handsome but you’re goddamn right I’m spouting that bullshit.

You should too.

A lot of people are fine with making around life like Eeyore from Winnie-DA-Poo.

I guess I'll just die here.
I guess I’ll just die here.

But fuck that noise. Why not be Winnie? Or Trigger? Fucking, Winnie was an asshole just tearing about poor helpless bees homes to wane out his withdrawals on honey. Trigger is clearly on some awesome drugs he’s not sharing because he’s a jerk. Piglet is a bitch, I don’t know where you’re suppose to draw inspiration from that though.

Whatever F R E E D O M

^ also another thing I hate, why do you hipsters insist on spacing out letters you unartsy fucks.

On a unrelated note I think society is out growing my bias/beliefs/what the fuck is that? I just recently seen a video of a dude doing a killer impression of Beyoncè in fact, he was dressed as beyoncè, had tits like beyoncè, and pretty nice legs like her too. I had to close out the video, this life is getting too progressive for me. I’m shocked everyday by something new.

What spawned this blog site in the first place.

I post a lot of random, inconsistent, redundant blogs here a lot.

I realized at 01HR43MINs that I have no yet expelled the reasons behind the name hipsters on wheels. Well, the answer for this lies in a cave deep behind inscribed in ancient hebrew further encoded contents from the zodiac killer himself. Just kidding, I ride motorcycles or at least had.

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That’s my bike! Black Mamba on the left, I love that bitch. I’ve been unkind although I didn’t take her overseas; wasn’t allowed to more or less. Even before that I waned down riding ever since I nearly offed myself running 100+ through a busy intersection.

Not on purpose though, I wasn’t attentive enough to decipher a green right arrow is not a green light.

The hipster part is just kind of a self-loathing insult to myself. I don’t think I fit the bill, which actually just validates me as a hipsters. I guess according to my age group hipsters don’t self identify like psychopaths. I accepted my faith, so now I guess that makes me… unhipster?

Check your flannel privileges you fucks.

DCIM100GOPRO
DCIM100GOPRO

I love riding though its a lively experience; the closest you can get on the connection between man and machine. Let alone that sports bikes are fast just being out and letting the wind hit your body unlike being stuck in the shell of a vehicle feels different. The first time I rode I practiced in a neighborhood just going twenty miles MPH and I felt like I was going fast then.
Screen Shot 2013-02-25 at 5.58.18 PM

The whole community of motorcycles is awesome. Everybody with a bike is automatically your friend, just like Tom from Myspace. Sometimes unwarranted, but hey you got a buddy to ride with.

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Then you’d get to a desolate area and just open up that throttle. It’s an experience everyone should have.

nightriding

Still a great experience without people if you’re more of a solo rider like myself, midnight rides were my favorite to cruise to. Felt like modern day meditation without the technical breathing. Be prepared to wave at kids who for some reason always feel the need to wave at riders, don’t be an asshole wave back.

I miss riding.